Things My Client Has Said
- Put the moose on the table
- I'll put a plan b in your bonnet
- It's a critical ass meeting
- That slide is the money shot
Singularity
there are certain things that most everyone goes through in their life, but which noone else's experience or advice can prepare you for when you go through it yourself. events that remain a mystery, too big for words. like a point in spacetime of infinite density, that somehow you got through, but in the process so lost yourself as to have come out of it a different person who is not quite able to think the same way as before.
on paper or in conversation they are easily referenced - death, greif, etc... but although the model is now quite celebrated, it cannot be taken as normative. somehow it seems too neat and easy for those palliative cases, when you can spend months and even years pre-bereaved. you spend a coupla years having mortality shoved in your face off and on, periodically skirting trauma and hysteria, with this big black nemesis of death looming over the horizon just out of sight. you'll find it doesnt slice up that easily into any distinguishable phases. sometimes it comes in waves like a virus.
she says she wants me to have her books. i asked why. because theyre hers, because i grew up with them. but also because i might find things she's written or kept in there, her notes and journals. she understands me.
and i can see myself, someday in the future when i think i'm past it, finding one of the grocery lists or scribbled notes that she used for a bookmark. but i can't really see myself past that. i don't know if i break down crying on the living room floor, or bask in a warm, reifying moment of cherished memoriam. i have no idea.