Gee Thanks IE Visitors
Last 48 hrs or so (all of which i have been awake and in multi-deliverable deadline production mode) my Firefox browser has been having some weird ass brainfart type of reactions to the 0.9.2 release. It's more than I can go into now, and i didn't have the time to diagnose or troubleshoot, but essentially i ended up uninstalling 0.9.2 and reinstalling 0.9.1 and trying to limp by with it all still buggy as fuck. It hangs on launch with a blank unclickable facsimile of a browser, begs me to update, then when molested launches a perfectly operable browser in a new window. Whatever. It's an extra step but i don't have time to fix it now.
Suffice it to say, in a couple fitz of stressed out work-related necessity to get into one of my way tooooo numerous webmail accts, i went and launched that funky old IE 6.0 browser i keep around for laughs but never use....
SO. Why the hell didn't ANY of the MANY of you still visiting LGP with that crap browser TELL me that my site looked like ASS in Internet Explorer?!? I resized the offending picture and hopefully it renders somewhat more faithfully now, or at least in a more readable fashion.
Safari users - sorry, i know. Can't help you. Avoid the mess and go RSS.
A Room with a View
Compare this and this. Even tho some offices in this building have views like this. But hey. I'm the consultant. We always get the crap accomodations. We're the office equivalent of homeless street transients.
Though, instead of "can you spare change for a cup of coffee ma'am?", you're more likely to hear things like "could you show me how this copier works? where do you keep the fax paper? does anyone here have a spare LAN cable? how do you dial out on these phones? where's the cafeteria?" etc, etc.
Melodrama Break
So everything else aside, today is a truly frikkin beautiful day. 75 degree high. Pristine blue skies with lite fluffy cirrus action. The monsoon rains we had on Friday and Saturday washed most of the street trash into the east river or someplace, so even midtown smells crisp and clean and looks loverly.
It tastes like autumn is coming. Every autumn i fall in love with this city (and the NE in general) all over again. And baby, am i ever ready for you this year.
Free Radicals
Momz treatment begins tomorrow. But hey, in general. Itz just another monday. Like any other.
You know itz funny. Like my boss said. 'I dont know what to say about these things. I mean i havent ever experienced anything like it.'
I dont either.
I am 1500 miles away and clueless.
Itza Man's Werld
I don't understand why women spend thousands of dollars and countless hrs of discomfort and pain for cosmetic surgery and breast implants and such.
Because, when it comes rite down to it,
men
aren't
really
all that
discriminating.
Jeezus...
New Baby
Maybe itz because my old Gateway laptop (the one with the dead cd r/w and the letters worn off of 30% of the keys) wheeezed so loudly at the last client meeting as to elicit quizzical stares from assembled participants. Or maybe itz because i kvetch so continuously about the 10 lbs of added gateway weight and the difficulty of finding handbags to accomodate its girth.
For whatever reason, my firm has given me one of our lease laptops. And altho i am not totally head over heels per se (i dont think i will feel that kind of passion for anything less than an ibook), i am definitely psyched and down for a fling here with the Toshiba Portege.
Sure, she's a couple years stale in freshness, and no built-in Bluetooth, BUT:
- TINY, SLIM and uberliteweight (FOUR & A HALF POUNDS!!!)
- 12" display. A little smaller than my MadCow laptop which is 14" - but this greatly increases the number of handbags i can shove her into.
- TWO batteries. TWO!!! She is thus the PERFECT road-work laptop. I mean, thatz 5 or 6 hrs of non outlet freedom there.
- 40 gigs just waiting for me to fill it up with multiple versions of various documents
- BUILT-IN WIRELESS CARD, with a BOINGO sniffer. this is really good as i have a tendency to drop computers on their external wireless cards.
- DID I SAY TINY?!?!?! She's not even a inch wide!! She's like a piece of frikkin paper here.
Games I Play in My Head
Whenever i start a deliverable, I like to try to predict just how many versions of a document will be produced before itz finalized and signed-off.
I rarely get it right. Usually my predictions are at least 3 integers too low. I think i must overestimate either my detail-attentiveness, or the client's pickiness.... ah but where would the fun be if it were easy to predict?
I started one of my current deliverables on Monday, betting it'd go to V8. It's Friday. And i just sent out V7. This is gonna be a close one.
Personal Assistants
Dammit. I need a PDA. And not just b/c theyre slick, glib and wireless these days. Or b/c all the cool kids have one. I've held out 4 yrs since my Palm III (hell yeah Original Gangsta PDA) bit the dust. And you know me - i'm no luddite. But in actual fact, i think part of me is resistant because i would enjoy having a slick, glib, wireless pda wayee too much. So it must be bad. Like masturbation.
Wait. Did i just say i enjoy masturbation? Now THAT's personal assistance of a whole nuther category.
Sartor, Resartus
Today i am wearing the same suit i was wearing on sept 11th. Until today i actually havent worn it since then. I don't kno if this is b/c i have creepy old school catholic superstitious leanings, or b/c i am ultra-sentimental in an annoying unpublished poet sort of way. (In fact, those two things may be related).
Anyway. Itz wonderful that after nearly 3 yrs the suit still fits well. But i have to admit itz creepy how it is both weirding me out and making me a little sad at the same time.
(bonus for those of you who care or notice my obscure references)
Itz Official
I'm now a ....
Spam-thulhu
I have been getting increasing amounts of spam utilizing what seems to be some bizarre ancient language in places (emphasis added):
From: Cathy [mailto:kgexzxetzioa@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: Saturday, July 17, 2004 3:15 AM
To: Cathy
Subject: Hundreds of lenders compete for your zeyyqnpkugvx
Hello,
I sent you an email a few days ago because you now qualify for a new mor tgage. You could get a $350,000 for as little as $650 a month! Credit is no problem, you can pull cash out or ref inance.
Lenders competing for my zeyyqnpkugvx!?! My god! Where is it!?! What is it?!? And what does it have to do with my "mor tgage" and "ref inance"?!?
That is not dead which can eternal lie. Yaaah!! Shub-Niggurath!!!
Client-Facing Fetishes
Long time readers of LGP might be aware of how much i hate wearing a bra or getting out of my pjs. I realized today, however, that despite my virtual teaming prowess (and conscientious scheduling of client-facing activities so as to maximize pj/non-bra-wearing time), part of me really, really enjoys (and feels quite sexy) when wearing full-on business suit regalia.
And also, i have never before confessed this - i think i have a cufflink fetish. A man with tailored shirts and cool old-school cufflinks really turns me on.
My hippie parents will no doubt disown me should they read this.
House Spiffin Fairy
Since the hiring of the cleaning lady, things are getting back on track here at the Dry, Inc headquarters. This is not to say that i am an incurable slob - despite all recent indications - i do clean when i am not working 3 current and 3 potential projects. And altho therez some internal resistance for me to the hiring of housecleaning assistance (i mean it feels like i've lost my blue collar cred here) i finally had to admit that there is no time in my life to regularly clean a place this size with the scouring intensity my mamma and grandmaz raised me to expect.
So Emma put the hurt on the kitchen, stove, fridge and bathroom. And her amazing efforts have dampened the housetrashin fairy infestation somewhat. And next week, i turn her loose on the closets and office, i think we'll finally do mostly away with those little creeps.
What i didn't count on, however, is this beautiful ensemble which i found mysteriously on my kitchen table upon my arrival home from a hardcore hella day at the client site:
I can only conclude that i must have had a housespiffin fairy in here, at least for a little while ;) (Thanks, K, i had a lovely time - hope your flight went well!)
Now I Know How Joan of Arc Felt
Things i've been told lately by the "Therapist In My Head" (what? you don't have one? well, i guess i'm just that kinda special.)
TIMH - You're going on three weeks now of various ingenious forms of acting out.
TIMH - You know that self-medicating is only ever going to be so effective.
TIMH - You've been passive aggressive and abusive towards your entire support network.
TIMH - You can't blame this on the weather or PMS at this point.
TIMH - And it doesn't make it ok just b/c you've got ex post facto recognition of the pattern or cycle.
TIMH - Moreover, itz an indication of some serious projection issues that you continually refer to yourself in the 2nd person like this.
TIMH - I'm just saying.
Google Juice
I feel I have accomplished something with my life, being no. 4 for this search.
Fair Weather Fans
I have been ultra selective on the orkut friend gathering - i am definitely not the SNS business case target audience, as i don't go in too much for befriending all FOAFs (aka the Marc Canter approach). Anyway, so i have a select orkut crew of 19 peeps.
Realized today, according to the Orkut accounting, that of those 19, only 13 consider themselves a "Fan" of me.
I know who you are. And yes, i take it personally.
Punctilious Professionals
IM btwn me and my boss
BossMan: btw - is it easier to spell "that's" as "thatz" etc? i haven't tried it yet, but i'm interested in doing so.
Pwylla: for me it is :-) but i also am antipunctuation
BossMan: that s/b "for me it iz"
Pwylla: and sometimes it iz
Pwylla: but i am really more about 'lean punctuation'
BossMan: i feel so lost and out of touch
Pwylla: yeah, all the cool kidz dont use punctuation
BossMan: but what's up w/your comma then?
Pwylla: ok, so i am not consistent
Pwylla: still working on the bottom line punct
BossMan: ah, so you don't have street cred, then
You Never 4Get UR First
Two entries, and already, itz painfully clear i don't get the 'clip' part of 'clip blog'. But don't worry baby - i aint creepin on you - despite the current non-clippiness of Unreported Stains, LGP is still, and always will be, my main squeeze. In fact, i am going to upgrade to the $25/mo version b/c i gots crazy love for Bloghorn.
In other news, the Swede has been visiting and putting the hurt on me hangoverwise. Well, i can't place all the blame on K - Veeeej and his damn 3am mojito's at Baraza are much more directly implicated in the current out-of-body experience i am dealing with.
In other news.. At some point, when completely snorked on wine the other nite, i gave myself a pedicure. Itz actually rather well done, considering that i have only a very vague recollection of performing it.
And I remember now why i don't go out alone or on weekends. My entire neighborhood is a pick up zone/meat market from Thurs thru Sat nites. I think i need some 'fake' personal cards... ones with my non-name and a SPAMmail addy, for those persistent pursuers.
I broke a fingernail last nite. When your nails are around a 1/4 inch long, do you understand how much this hurts? Below, shot taken with new cameraphone. Rightmost nail bought it last nite. For perspective - the second one from the left is just now recovering from the bowling injury last month (I lost
two nails to a 14 pounder on my first roll).
Putting the 'Ire' in 'Ironic'
Yeah. I don't believe they'd jam phone banks either.
Get A Rope
Therez a fine line between posse comitatus and vigilante justice when therez a $25m USD bounty.
All that aside i think therez some lacanian fractility in the idea of terrorists hunting terrorists. And, more importantly, i am not sure where to start with the post-moderne critique of the headline for this Reuter's article: TV says gunmen vow to kill Zarqawi
Whether or not you choose to undertake such a deadly linguistic investigation, "TV says" warns that this message will self-deconstruct in approximately 10 seconds.
General Malaise
Current diagnosis of relative intertia. Symptomology such as underinvestment in environment. Inability (or refusal) to construct complete sentences. Generic disorientation and diffuse mental focus. Itz all the crap of a hangover w/o any of the precendent fun drug/liquor activities.
Have unsuccessfully tried various means to light a fire under my ass. But can muster little motivation for standard cliched approaches.
Other promising considerations include:
- Frontal lobotomy and/or drill a hole to let the demons out
- Electroshock combined with intraveneous caffiene injections
- Ritual bloodletting, new tattoo or piercing
Bio-rhythmia
I woke up before the alarm clock this morning. A full 10 or 15 seconds before the alarm clock. This never happens. Therefore, please be advised of the possibility of pigs flying, hell freezing over, and/or a cold day in hell.