Form Snark-1
Despite the potential dubiousness of certain aspects of Google's Gmail and Adsense/Adwords campaigns, their S-1 filing is refreshingly candid and admirable. Among other things, cute, even:
Geek humor: If you take a close look at the form Google filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, the exact value of its planned offering is $2,718,281,828 dollars, which some would immediately recognize as the mathematical constant e.
E, for those not blessed with a PhD and a job at Google, is Euler's number, which is used as the base for natural logarithms.
Crumbs from My Mental Table
Alas, whither hast departed my frequent (ok, semi-daily) bloggin? Real life/too much work/yada yada? No - I am not gonna give you any of those trite excuses, baby. You deserve better.
Well, marginally better, anyway - you get, instead, the half-formed thoughts i have had over the course my daily activities and filed under "i should blog this", but never followed up on nor appropriately researched:
- Media Bias? Headline word choice says a lot...
- April is the cruelest month and I so wanna do this Poem In Your Pocket meme-istic-thingy Phil (who is down with J. Alfred Prufrock) blogged about. but i am pretty sure i won't have time.
- If you suffered thru me writing my college thesis on The Waste Land, you're counting yourself lucky right now
- Even though the Oracle* even practically demanded i assail you with TSE tales or poetry, as yesterday's WOTD was supine, which i can neither hear nor read the word without immediately thinking of The Waste Land.
'Trams and dusty trees.I mean, who'd've thought supine could ever be so very wanton and lascivious?
Highbury bore me. Richmond and Kew
Undid me. By Richmond I raised my knees
Supine on the floor of a narrow canoe.'
'My feet are at Moorgate, and my heart
Under my feet. After the event
He wept. He promised "a new start".
I made no comment. What should I resent?'
(lines 292 - 299)
*The Oracle = Dictionary.com's word of the day as I have blogged previously
What I Wanted 2B When I Grew Up
Different things I wanted to be when i grew up, as i grew up:
- Age 5 or 6: anything involving horses... (varied from equestrian to calvary)
- Age 7: mortician, cemetary groundskeeper
- Age 8: archeologist (in the manner of Indiana Jones)
- Age 9: archeologist/historian (specifically pre-columbian american studies)
- Age 10: historian (egyptologist)
- Age 11: writer, playwrite and/or poet
- Age 12: writer, poet, still
- Age 13: archeologist (mayan, aztec), or anthropologist
- Age 14: mortician again, embalmer/etc
- Age 15: professor of literature
- Age 16: microbiologist
- Age 17: chromosomal microbiologist
- Age 18: geneticist
- Age 19: geneticist
- Age 20: geneticist
- Age 21: professor Lit, writer, linguist
- Age 22: professor Classics and Lit, writer, linguist
- Age 23: professor Classics, Philosophy and Lit, writer, linguist
- Age 24: Sane, out of debt, dishwasher/waitress/whatever
- Age 25: As above
- Age 26: As above
- Age 27: As above
- Age 28: consultant
Natural Laws of Lost Badges
I lost my security badge for the client site. Well, not 'lost' per se. I put it somewhere last Wednesday that was not one of the 'regular' places i put such things.
I distinctly remember telling myself: "you're gonna forget that's where you put it, b/c thatz not where you usually put it". And i distinctly remember answering myself: "nah - you'll remember it simply BECAUSE thatz not where you usually put it."
Lost Badge Law #1: Don't break badge storage rituals. The chances of remembering alterations to the ritual are significantly less than the chances of remembering the ritual.So i have cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, searched the pockets of every suit, jacket and pantset i wore last week, checked under things, on top of things and rifled through every purse, handbag and rucksack... No badge. Although I KNOW it's here somefrikkinwhere. Which brings me to:
Lost Badge Law #2: A lost badge will tend to turn up only once a new badge has been attained, typically through a convoluted, tortuous and time-consuming authorization process.
Unnecessary Subway Intimacy
Rush hour on express subway trains is always an exercise in cramming as many people into a car before the doors shut as possible. It's a regular occurrence to be sandwiched so close to complete strangers as to consider it spooning. At first, i found it unnerving and a tad humiliating, but soon got over it, as it's just the way it is, and everyone tends to be mostly polite and accomodating. There are always mumbled "sorry's" and "excuse me's", and people contort themselves to make sure that you can at least grab ahold of a strap or bar and stay mostly vertical for the duration of your ride. You get used to such intimacy with strangers, and you make do.
However, the lady with the toddler who decided that the packed 5 train from Grand Central to Union Square at 5:45p yesterday was the appropriate time to change the baby's diaper, was more closeness than i can handle.
The Smell of Liberation
The appointment of Negroponte as US Ambassador to Iraq could be viewed as ironic, if this weren't real life, and it weren't so frighteningly wrong. One could conclude that human rights are not a priority for us in post-handover Iraq. That's not democracy - that's democrazy.
Meanwhile Honduran troops, gracefully exit Iraq early.
Consultantease Peeve #203
Perhaps the only thing more annoying than extensive use of 'leverage' as a transitive verb (for which i, myself, am at fault), is pronouncing it as 'leeve-er-edge', with a mock english-accent.
My Toxic Werld
Despite yesterday's hot flash, it's spring, and my allergies are going wiggo. I grew up with allergies in Texas, but they were very different from the allergies i have in NYC. And since I am hitting my 5th or so year up here my allergic afflictions are blossoming into their full glory. My eyes run and itch, my skin itches, my throat is sore in the mornings, i have sneezing fits all day long and non-stop sinus affliction.
But another affect of my NYC allergies are the weird-ass food cravings. These intense, gotta-have-it-now cravings for very specific foods and beverages arrived concurrent with the allergens and can only be my body trying to tell me what it needs to battle these foreign invaders:
- Tomato juice. Specifically, spicy hot V8. And no, even if I drink 64 oz in one day (in three hours, even), and feel like i never want to see another tomato, juiced/sliced/or otherwise, ever again afterwards, I still want V8 the next morning.
- Hummus. Or falafel. I still can't tell which, actually. In fact, it may not even be either the hummus or the falafel - but rather the hot sauce. All i know is that it must come from Damask Falafel over on A. That's what my body says.
- Wasabi. More wasabi. And more wasabi.
- Jewish Rye bread. With lots and lots of caraway seeds.
- Fresh squeezed lime on salad. Must be real, fresh lime. I tried to use some bottled lime juice and it did nothing for me.
A Disturbance in The Force
A normal high temp for April: 
A normal high temp for April: 
Nearly 30 degrees above the normal high temp for April: 
And tomorrow it will be about 20 degrees colder in NYC. These sort of temperature spikes fascinate me, reminding me of the non-linear dynamics of a system I inadvertantly assume to be much more orderly and periodic.
I mean - some assumptions of periodicity are inherent even in the terminology of meterology, such as "Normal" temperature, "Seasonal" weather, "Average" precipitation... Although, admittedly, there is also some inferred hedginess, as well - a weather "forecast", for instance, essentially identifies the information as a prognostication and not a certainty.
But, it's hard not to want to find direct causal links to one-day, 20 degree spikes. Ostensibly, today's record temperature is in part due to interaction between a large cold front heading in from the Great Lakes.
However, ultimately, my money's on the butterfly.
Taming Foxes
They found the wreckage of Antoine de Saint-Exupery's plane a week or so ago. And since then have been searching high and low for my copy of The Little Prince (whole text online).
Turns out, I have two copies - one of which i am pretty certain i stole from my parents' library. The other, however, was mine, and opening it, i was delighted to remember that it was a gift from my fourth grade teacher - Ms. Marquez.
It was the early 80's and my first year at a very small Catholic school in rural New Mexico. Ms. Marquez was, herself, a first year teacher - and the only teacher who wasn't a nun.
I don't think i was a discipline problem in fourth grade, per se, but it was the first time in my life that i remember distinctly concluding that most all adults were hypocrites, not to be trusted, or believed. I know i was a pain in the ass for the sisters, at least (especially as i was pretty adversarial in religion classes). And at that age we'd already moved quite a bit, so i had rarely attended the same school for more than a year - all of which likely led me to act more rebellious socially and academically than local authorities (namely, the Srs of St Francis of Assissi) were often prepared to tolerate. Over my two years there, I am sure that Ms. Marquez saved my ass a number of times, interceding with the sisters not to punish me for being outspoken.
I don't remember exactly when she gave me the book. But i do remember the first time i read the inscription she had written on the inside cover, and the subsequent realization i had then, that maybe some amount of faith in adults might not be totally misplaced:
The Fox said to the Little Prince: "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
P - You have the rare ability to see rightly - cultivate it, and others may see too.
Celadas Makes the Girls Moan
... and Myrtis bene felas.
Anonymous Premier
I am psyched. My cousin-in-law Rayya's featurette, "Anonymous", finally has its New York premiere tonight at the Pioneer. I am stoked despite the fact that i have watched it repeatedly already*. Press Release follows:
ANONYMOUS, FILM WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY RAYYA ELIAS, PREMIERES IN NEW YORK, APRIL 14TH AT PIONEER THEATER
New York, New York --Anonymous, a 32-minute short film-based on the real-life experiences of punk band front woman, Rayya Elias’ short stories on life on the Lower East Side in the 1980’s-premieres Wednesday, April 14th at the Pioneer Theater. This groundbreaking short film, created as a pilot for a television series currently in development, combines a gritty look at one female hustler’s insatiable addictions and what happens when her exploits go bad, amidst the backdrop of the urban chaos of the Lower East Side.
After party at Cabaret Magique directly following the premiere, hosted by legendary East Village luminaries Chi Chi Valenti and Johnny Dynell (currently featured in this month’s Vanity Fair) promises to be a gathering place for the many East Village celebrities attending.
About Anonymous
Anonymous is a 32-minute short film written and directed by Rayya Elias. Based on her collection of short stories written about her experiences living on the Lower East Side in the 1980’s, this raw, gritty episode deals with one day in the life of a female hustler and the desperation that ensues from her eviction and scoring her next hit. With a mosaic of both heartbreaking and redemptive moments, and a score by Sonic & Buzz, Barb Morrison, Kory Clarke and Rayya Elias herself, Anonymous captures a moment in time where the strength of the human spirit is central and unflinching in the face of a neighborhood’s, and an addict’s turmoil.
About Rayya Elias, Writer and Director
A Detroit native, Rayya Elias moved to New York in 1983, seeking fertile ground for her punk-rock sensibility and creative vision. Her desire to live at the intersection of art, diversity and urban chaos landed her in the East Village and fronting the punk bands Kill Pig, Ancient Beat and Outskirts of Blue. Elias pioneered new ground for women in punk, all the while battling addictions of her own. For the past 10 years Elias has turned her creative drive into a success story, launching a successful career in music and styling for the likes of Valentino to Armani as well as major rock bands. This is Elias’s first exploration into film.
*even the sneak previews
I Gotz Schooled
For years now, my John Ashcroft freak-o-meter readings have been holding steady somewhere just above "WHACKO!" and just below "SCARY!". So you know i wasn't gonna miss his spotlight performance for the 9-11 commission hearing today. And sure enough, he didn't disappoint me, he went and said things like "evil biology" and "evil chemistry" again.
Now I used to be a biologist, and i remember thinking it was rather bereft of clear cut good/evil dichotomies. I mean, sure, there may be one or two things - like phagocytosis or saprophytes - that one could argue, but itz a stretch.
So, preparing to blog-slap Mr Ashcroft, i got my google on... and WHOA. What's THIS?!? Not just evil biology but a whole damn Evil Science University?!? In New England, no less.
Bad Ju-Ju
RRPF: Empire North - The logical solution
Pwylla: yikes
RRPF: but, pwylla, it's the "logical" solution. You don't hate logic, do you?
Pwylla: lol
RRPF: from corp profile - This young, ambitious Danish company is currently developing brand new kinds of identification tools and anti-riot-equipment, tailored for the modern urban battlefield, combining outstanding Danish design and know-how.
RRPF: it's the ikea of non-lethals
Pwylla: hehehe
RRPF: i like the idea of a sniper rifle that deliver's mood altering drugs (Haldol)...the "Id" sniper... there's also "Ego" loads available
Pwylla: hmmm. thatz pretty scary too
RRPF: that's my creation...not empire north's
Pwylla: yeah, itz still scary - drugged against your will and all
RRPF: why do you hate America?
RRPF: ;-)
Pwylla: :-) i am just a pinko commie appeasenik i guess
RRPF: i figgered
RRPF: i'm taking a picture of you with my JuJu cam next time I see you
RRPF: it's my duty
Pwylla: i understand, citizen. yet ultimately, my fifth column scum cohorts and i will still subvert you.
Self-Imposed Restraining Order
Due to my inability to constrain my urges, the following categories of merchants are forthwith off-limits to me, unless accompanied by a chaperone who is fully prepared to drag me forcibly from the premises:
- All book stores, but most especially used, vintage and rare bookstores - specifically this one and this one... (note: chaperone must be fully able to counter every point in my extended argument about just why i need that copy of the Drafting History of the Federal Rules of Criminal Procedure)
- Office supply and stationary stores, most explicitly those offering fountain pens, and moleskin or leather bound notebooks or datebooks.
- Cute little one-of-a-kind, eclectic homewares stores (the likes of which my neighborhood is rife with)... one only needs so many Betty Page cocktail napkins... PLEASE.
- Designer parfum and cosmetic stores.... or better yet, just keep me away from the entirety of Soho, actually.
Best of Both Werlds
I have been my own little company for two years now, but it just wasn't taking off. I mean - i did really well considering - i had steady work, it was nickel and dime stuff, for the most part - yet unlike most of my peers i was able to barely hang on here and keep it moving (most of them had to relocate, change competencies, etc)...
But tonite - i entered new territory. I officially signed the acceptance letter for a (and i use this term with full semantic load) righteous position with a rockin little indepedent strategy consulting firm. I am employee #6 (this includes our three frikkin incredibly leveraged partners). I have already completed a project as a contractor with these guys - i love and respect them, and (according to salary and benefits) itz mutual.
Itz just too cool to be able to use my skills to their full entreprenurial benefit in the context that these guys provide... We have the same attitude towards truly adding value (forgive the consultantese) to our clients. But they have the C-level contacts, experience and development network. Already, the project i ran for them has ballooned into a much larger Bus Dev opportunity, with a humongo client engagement lead position which i shall fill....
And they are SO much fun. They work as hard as me. They party as hard as me too. I see them online at 3 am when we have muy importante meetings at 8am the next morning. And shit still gets done.
I feel like i am home again.
This is worth it.
OCD Awards: Inaugural Edition
What i love about coders is that they when they get excited about functionality of one form or another, other people tend to benefit. I like to reward this sort of behavior. So, welcome to the inaugural edition of Dry Inc.'s OCD (Obsessive Coding Development) Awards, wherein we laud and applaud those coders who've developed features and functions above and beyond the immediately necessary, driven mostly by their own desire to 'see if it would work'.
Our inaugural winners and their OCD contributions are:
- Ben Vierck: Recently, after choosing a new newsreader application for himself, Ben got on an RSS syndication coding tear. Bloghorn blogs have had RSS for a while, but now you can also pull feeds for the Bloghorn directory, recently updated blogs, and GET THIS - individual blog comments. (Here's LGPz comment feed, btw. If you don't have a newsreader, get one, or subscribe to Bloglines).
- Jonas M. Luster: I asked Jonas if he could provide some technical oversight for a Knowledge Management plan I am putting together for my firm. Jonas went well beyond that by spontaneously coding a prototype (which, of course, I can't link to, but trust me it rox) that allows for collaboration as well as content management.
Customer Account Security Measures
Of the different layers of customer authentication possible, my favorite is the 'secret question/answer' feature employed by pretty much all of my credit card and banking account managers. You know - where you get to pick one of three different 'super secret' questions like "What is the name of your favorite pet?", or "What street did you grow up on?" type questions, wherein it is assumed that only you will know the appropriate set of answers.
Woe betide, however, the poor customer service employees of those accounts where Pwylla gets to generate the both the questions and answers:
Customer Account Rep (CAR): Ok, I am going to have to ask you your account security questions now.
Pwylla: Sure...
CAR (sound of keyboard typing, pause, chuckle): You know what?
Pwylla: ...what?
CAR: Heh. No - that's your security question.
Pwylla: AH. Yeah. Ask me again!
CAR: Eh-hem. 'You know what?'
Pwylla: 'Chicken butt'.
CAR: Yep. Ok, I don't think i actually need to ask you the other one.
Pwylla: Oh come on - do it!
CAR (sigh): 'You know why?'
Pwylla: 'Chicken thigh'!
CAR: Alrighty then. Let's move on...
Confessional Posting
I did something quite out of character yesterday, and itz been bothering me. I bought, spontaneously, four pairs of shoes. Spontaneously. No premeditation, whatsoever. FOUR PAIRS.
There are several troublesome aspects to this, not the least of which is that i never buy any items of apparel spontaneously, let alone shoes. In fact, until a couple years ago, i don't think i'd ever owned more than two pairs of shoes at once, and even then i usually only wore one of the pairs with any consistency.
Worst of all - get this - i don't think i realized exactly what i had done until i got home, either. I was taking them out of the bags and it just suddenly dawned on me "damn. i just bought a LOT of SHOES." And they weren't even on any kinda of serious discount, or anything...
So i have to ask myself if this is the sign of some deeper psychological issues. Am i compensating for a percieved lack of some sort? And why footwear?
Lost Time
Look, I warned you back in the fall that they'd do this shit. Oh sure - itz all nice and well when theyz GIVING you an hour, but I TOLD you they'd want it back. And, sure enough, somewhere between Romi Lounge and Lucky Strike, a WHOLE FRIKKIN HOUR disappeared again.
Thank god for the steak au poivre, or else i'd be inconsolable. As it is, i am just slightly incoherent. But i think i've headed off a bad hangover.
Happy 30th v-man.
Damn! btw - i just lookt at the LS receipt - holy frikkin cow - thnx to lauren we got comped 50%!?! Whoa - tribeca, even.
Final Report Delirium... uh.. Deliverable
Still have not slept. We are on VERSION 16. But, itz turning into a gorgeus, tite little document:
- Styles reduced to a manageable 10 or so
- It has headers! and footers! and they are nearly correct!
- All graphics have been reworked and vetted thru two different clients who usually don't agree with each other, so screw anyone who complains at this point
- The Executive Summary is only TWO PAGES!!! And i think it actually sums some shit up, too.
- Nothing but Trebuchet MS, throughout the doc's entirety.
- This is my new favorite font. Itz also seems to be the standard font of my new consulting firm.
- Along with those blues that are in our logo (thatz "r107, g115, b215" and "r40, g50, b150" in MSOffice AppSpeak).
- Which are now also in every uniform table header row, call out text, and corresponding charts/graphics/yada yada in this document.
- This document is the center of my universe right now.
- But i didn't feel that way until version 15.