Mighty Morphones
It must suck to have such a good buzz, and not be able to enjoy it. Or well, maybe she is. It's hard to say - she's too tired, and often, anxious - not sure what's a dream or what's real.
She thinks she's at home, most of the time, petting imaginary pets and checking the mail in the thin air. Then when she realizes she's at the hospital, it's always a noticeable bummer.
Itz Not Who You Know. Itz What You Know about Who You Know's Stuff
Even tho hez on the road, Shaun-0 was kind enuff to allow me access to his Casa while I'm here. Very helpful, as momz hospital is just an exit or two away. Even more helpful with the broadband wifi, digital cable...
Of course, it'd sure be nicer were he here, but Shaun-0, ever-thoughtful, leaves me a list of "Important Things to Know About the House" in lovely teal ink. Ensuring i feel safe even in his absence... Especially -
#4. The bathroom sink has a slow drain, it will go down, but it takes a bit of time.
#5. The porcelain god needs to be flushed twice, or there will be floaters.
#11. Remember that some of us are not fortunate enough to have a maid, so please do not wear white gloves.
# 12. If you see something you shouldn't, just pretend you didn't, and it will go away.
#13. Make sure that the closet doors are closed or the devil clown will eat your soul.
And, of course,
#14. Something lives under the house, so don't freak out unless it starts speaking in Latin, then get the hell out.
Not Unusual
With every successive and increasingly difficult step in the treatment. With each hospitalization. The remarks have been the same. "This isn't unusual, just a precaution". Still, they don't know, when you ask, exactly what is wrong. Just certain indicators, markedly too low. Will try this antibiotic and see. Watch and wait.
And on the phone, still, her voice raspy and far away. Pain and more pain. Too much to think or talk through. "Is there anything I can do?" No, just come.
My nightmares all involve getting there too late. Zipping body bags and all those last conversations unhad. All that i will never know, and all that i could never do or say when it mattered.
That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But what about that which kills you?
Skin Off My Nose
There is a point in the onset and evolution of all head colds when spending money on Kleenex tissues with Lotion and Vitamin E will save you a world of hurt later.
I always misjudge this point.
Latent Malaise
My blog is slow and listless. The page takes forever to load. I guess i can expect some passive aggression after i dissed it a couple weeks back, but jeez, LGP, get ovah it already.
Is it just me or is it treating everyone this way? Ben, is my blog sick?
Re-Search
This search hit from today is so frikkin cool that i am...
Location, Location, Location
IM today with coworker:
Cowerker: i've been staring at a functional spec doc all week...Maybe we could find a way to implement something like this. Lawd knows, 'the boys' each share some sort of sick symbiotic relationship with their cellphones.
Cowerker: this thing is NOT writing itself
Pwylla: yeah, not very functional of it, really
Cowerker: hahaha... damn, no!
Pwylla: you must not have paid the proper sacrifices to the functional spec fairies. i hear if you leave the doc open on your desktop at night with a glass of milk and cookies, it will be magically done in the morning
Cowerker: i'll try to not eat the cookies, lol
Cowerker: how are 'the boys'? [this is our code for the partners @ our firm] i think P3 reached out to someone here for lunch, not sure what came of it
Pwylla: I think the boys are getting along - they are awfully busy, tho - harder to get them all to a meeting together... P1 in particular hard to track down
Cowerker: always has been, you know this
Pwylla: yeah and P3 is often IMing me... trying to find him
Cowerker: yes, that's his MO
Pwylla: i suggest we implement an RFID tag system ;)
Cowerker: probation for the partners
Pwylla: heeehee.... nah just GPS tracking
Pwylla: and a subcuntaneous tag that they cant scratch off when theyre out in the wild
Ped X-ing
I don't get to drive much here in NYC. But I am keeping my skills sharp with this flash game. You can run little peatones, but you can't hide...
Shouting into the Void
I found this on the street this morning. A slice of someone else's life that fell out of their backpack or pocket, drifted along the gutters and streets, got stepped on and slightly damp.
And itz haunting me, somewhat, the story it tells.
On one side, a memo from the Director of Print Graphic Svcs to employees of a Broadway Advertising agency:
October 26, 2001On the other side, in scrawled handwriting:
Please be advised that the following individual will be working on Saturday, October 27 at [agency name] on the 10th floor.
[individual's name]
StatisticThings i have been thinking since finding and reading this:
Does innocense Die at age 21?
surrounded by walls of expectations
everyone wants to sell me something
The daily grind swallows me whole
I am frowned upon in disappointment
All of my friends watch in disappointment
as I look back I see my former self
I'm nothing more than a shadow of what I
used to be.
Its a consistent reminder of [unclear]
This image i create is never the same
But in our own way [unclear]
Choked by visions of myself, I'm suffocating
[unclear] We all
Sometimes I take this life for granted
I feel alone, and confused
admit you're afraid
we all feel alone
[unclear]
as much as
we dont admit
it, its all true
Yes, it's all true. And yes, innocence can die not only at age 21, but many times over thereafter. How much is this floating rant to the universe in general corollary to so much online journaling or blogging? And what strange creatures we are that we find some release scribbling or typing tapping these incoherencies. Whether anyone reads them or not.
Absentee Minded
- During the 2K election, although i had moved to NY/NJ, i was on an extended project in San Antonio, so i kept my Tx Voter's Registration and voted down there.
- I mean, you never really drive up here in NYC, and my Tx DL doesn't actually expire until this December, so it was easy.
- So, I finally changed my Voter's Registration to NY last month.
- Turns out, I will be in Austin on Nov 2nd...
- So now, i am downloading NY State absentee ballot ...
- Which apparently i can actually turn in down on Varick Street any damn day i want to between now and election day.
- Ok, Mondays-Fridays, 9a-5p only, actually.
- Still, this means i am voting tomorrow.
- W000t.
Hopped Up with a Big Foamy Head
recent conversation w/psh paraphrased as per memory -
psh: i may act like a bitchy old man, but in fact, i am practically noble.
pwylla: what does that mean? you're noble in practice?
psh: no - more like 'nearly' noble - almost noble.
pwylla: ah, 'near noble' - all the taste of noble without the filling?
psh: yes, i am the miller lite of noble.
pwylla: well then, i guess i am a heady import.
The Subject Decentered
Au revoir, Jacques. With your passing another slippery layer of signification can be assigned.
One cannot hold a discourse on the "work of mourning" without taking part in it, without announcing or partaking in [se faire part de] death, and first of all in one's own death. In the announcement of one's own death, which says, in short, "I am dead," "I died"--such as this book lets it be heard--one should be able to say, and I have tried to say this in the past, that all work is also the work of mourning. All work in general works at mourning. In and of itself. Even when it has the power to give birth, even and especially when it plans to bring something to light and let it be seen... (excerpt, trans, By Force of Mourning, 1994)And indeed, who could ever speak of the work and works of Jacques Derrida, and all the works that bore them, a work without measure?
Certainly not i. I differ, i defer, between absence and presence. But i can say that because of your teachings:
- i continually question and deconstruct everything from literature to take-out menus...
- i both fear and cherish language of all kinds...
- i have learned to let go of any idea of stasis in meaning...
Ah, Urban Life
So, i finally found an alarm clock that works for me. Especially if it is used on the sidewalk directly below my open windows. Problem is that there's no snooze button on this one, nor a way to turn it off, when it has all the appropriate city permits for operation in front of a 1 or 2 story residential dwelling on a saturday or sunday between the hours of 10am and 4 pm.
Well on the upside, i did need to get up and clean the apartment (i have found that the hiring of a housecleaner has advanced my housetrashing abilities), and the only thing that really works well for that, as all of you know, is very loud hard rock or industrial techno music.
SSID logue
Interesting free wireless node names i've either happened upon or have been told by friends. Add to the list as you like:
- whats4dinner
- tuneinturnondropout
- Marks Apartment
- Chthulu
- hax0rlixus
- yrless
- i love orlando bloom
- hang ten
- anna is naked again
- worm bait
- free4you
- surfhere
- stargate1
Beijing Black Market Knock Offs That I'd Like
Shaun-O, i finally got around to pulling this together. Dunno if you'll have access to Bloghorn from inside the Red Empire. So you may wanna print this off.
Baggage
Main requests here are black (or brown), leatherish, portfolio sized (enough for a 14inch laptop). Some ideas:
But would also like some sort of pocket-ish leatherish portfolio, notebook sized, such as:
Watches
Main requests here are - square face - black leather/silver (no gold or brown or whatever). My favorite watch ever is this philip patek, but i dunno if you will find it, as the design is, like, 10 yrs old:
so, something rather like this would work just fine :) -
Fountain Pens
Hooh boy, you really cant go wrong here. If you can get genuine fountain pens that need ink cartridges. I love mont blanc, waterman, anything, really - but stick with the silver plated stuff, as the gold tends to wear off those beijing versions ;). Ideas -
Fuggitabout
Hey! Don't you know that when you see something like this in Jersey, you should, you know, keep your mouth closed if you know whatz good for you.
Random Unrelated Update #1: yes, K-Rock, 5 Red Hot Chili Peppers songs since lunchtime IS TOO MUCH. Who wasnt over them (AND Lollapallooza) after 1994 or so? And furthermore, "Californication", even one time, is way too much. Get System of A Down back on dammit.
Random Unrelated Update #2: the Dread and I watched Paycheck last night. Two things - (one) I enjoyed it, altho it wasn't as Woo-y (as in John Woo) as i'd hoped. I refrain, however, from pronouncing Woo a Hollywood sell-out, just yet. (Two) Ben Affleck is a sucky actor, but i still (altho it pains me to admit it) wouldnt kick him outa bed.
Random Unrelated Update #3: i am still not feeling closer to my blog, despite repeated floggings er bloggings. I know, itz early yet. And we've still not tried couples therapy. Or fixing the rendering on Safari browsers.
Random Unrelated Update #4: i hava mac pb now, altho itz braine is dead, new onez on order. Travis Pumpkinhed, if youre reading this, i wanna pirate panter from you when i come visit.
Random Unrelated Update #5: Meme-ho. My addition, fur mich -
- if you call me Pojo, then i haven't talked to you since we were eleven
- if you call me Pwylla, you surf the web too much or are in my coven
- if you call me PJ, youre in trouble
- if you call me on the phone, you are a bill collector
This Is Not My Beautiful Life
Last night i had occasion to browse thru one of the several boxes of old hardcopy file folders i maintain in my home office closet (some date back to 1989). And I discovered an intriguing orange folder from sometime in the mid-90's that i'd labelled "New Life".
Although i didn't remember creating that folder, it was my handwriting, and it does sound like something i'd do. Particularly if i was starting a new job, dumping a boyfriend or moving to a new house/city or something.
Unfortunately, the folder was empty.
Boss Not Enthused
Conversation with Boss:
BossMan: So what are you doing tomorrow?
Pwylla: As little as possible.
BossMan: Ok. But I have to say I am not enthused by that.
Pwylla: Sure.
BossMan: ...
BossMan: Ok... I am not enthused by that.