Tool Using Ape
Holy freeken obsessive compulsive disorders! Bloglines was offline last nite for a little while and I swear I sat here for at least 5 minutes hitting reload repeatedly. But alas, no. info. flow.
I am so totally Bloglines' bitch.
So i got my fix watching the front page of del.ic.ious. Now there's some FLOW.
Weather Fetish Revisited
One of the few disadvantages of being able to work virtually and/or from home at the drop of a hat is that there is no "Snow Day". It's all I can do to keep myself involved in the mongo report i am writing and the 8 large documents i am editing. I keep looking out the window at the 6-8 inches of powdery fluffiness that just wants me to PLAY in it.
Even this late in the morning, the snow is still pretty and pristine-looking. The street is mostly empty of cars, some people are shoveling sidewalks, some kids are having a snowball fight, dogs on their way to the park are rolling in it...
But my three work teams are all frikkin e-enabled, online and being industrious workers. Damn them. I can't even leave for a long break, really, as they will see me go 'idle' on AIM, or message me with some thing gawd-awfully important and urgent...
By tomorrow at least, the streets will be a slushy, grimy, muddy wet mess. And, yes, that's when I will have to wade thru it, sans duck boots. Because, even tho i now concede the functional advantage of duck boots, they just don't go well with a business suit, and require carrying an alternate pair of dress shoes on top of a computer and 30 lbs of paper.
And, i guess, that pretty much nails my position on the 'form vs. function' spectrum.
Ladies -
Has your vagina lost its optimal structural architecture? Do not fear, LVR is here.
What may be concerning, however, is that this is my second post today with gynecological references.
(link via Kelly's blog)
Skin... Crawling...
Usually i manage to avoid these things completely. But since yesterday afternoon that smarmy little myDoom virus has tried to sneak into my mailbox on four separate occasions. Of course, my auto-scanning email virus protection has quarantined it faithfully everytime, and itz not gotten past the inbox. And not like it could go anywhere from there anyway, as I intentionally do not populate my email address books with any data aside from two or three people who i wouldn't mind inadvertantly sending a virus to (but that's another story).
Still, i feel unclean. In a 'suspect pap smear' kinda way - you know, they aren't sure whether or not itz genital warts, and itz probably nothing, but you really should have a coloscopy performed. I mean, the testing methods aren't all that refined and altho it may look like you have avoided infection... you never kno, you kno...
Because myDoom spreads either via Kazaa or email address data, and i don't have Kazaa on my workstation, then that means: someone who has me in their address book somewhere is .... infected.
Eeeeeuw. Don't. Touch. Me.
I really wish Macs weren't so damn expensive.
Elephant #23
The vast number of failed species in the fossil record have long caused concerns for beginning-of-life theorists on all sides of the theological issue. Unintelligent Design Network posits a theory on the origin of life that finally works for me: sure there was a creator, but s/he obviously wasn't particularly bright.
And who the hell though giraffes were a good idea? Bloody unlikely looking, if you ask me. And those tyrannosaurus, with the tiny little arms? Why even leave the arms in, except to flail about Corky looking for a snack. Speaking on this subject, did you know whales have hip bones? That's like if a human engineer put an outboard boat motor on a city bus. I think it's clear God never went to college, and I'm thinking it's sketchy he even has his GED. They guys in middle school shop class made more functional and professional looking projects that half of God's motley menagerie..(This link, via Aaron Swartz's summary of the same, were scavenged from the crowsnest of the eelful hovercraft).
Orkut It Out, Already!
If you know me, have had to endure my asinine coding questions, clean up my html*, or explain network protocols to me a quatrillion times, then you know just how worthless the following perspective on the Orkut tool/network is. For those of you who don't know me, take it as a given that I am a font of disinformation (although itz not driven by ill-intentions, but rather, mere lazy, self-centered, half-baked logic and dissolute research discipline) and treat accordingly.
I was able to extort my way into an invitation, complete my extremely witty profile, rank a few friends and tour the scene before a mongo-bug was found and the app was taken offline.
This is fine, because it gives me a chance to consider my social software strategy as an ill-informed individual actor. Other people have a much greater understanding of the dynamics behind social software (and sociology and technology, in general) than yours truly. But that won't stop me from trying to swim against the tide like the proverbial salmon. Hail Eris.
Why does one join a network in the first place? To leverage the connections one has to create further connections, I suppose. What kind of connection to what kind of network is the key, however. For instance, I am a member of the Financial Women's Association - focused on career mentoring of professionals in the Financial Services Industry. Not only do i get decent cocktails out of this, i also get access to key training, mentoring and potential business opportunities. But I am not sure, exactly, what I am going to get out of orkut, altho it does require you to select one or more of some generic levels of socio-tech-networks (looking for friends, activity partners, business contacts, dating).
After completing my orkut profile and considering who I wanted to invite into my network, it occured to me that the levels these applications offer for networking don't seem to allow you to robustly manage the visibility of your profile information. For instance, I wouldn't want my business contacts to know that they might find the occasional sex toy in my bedroom (well, not right away, anyway). But it's something that potential dating partners really better be down with. This puts a little bit of a damper on either who I invite, or my ascription to certain functions (i.e., dating) offered by the tool. A tool that allowed me to create mini-networks of my own choosing (i.e., friends i can bullshit with, friends i work with, business contacts, blog and virtual friends) would be immenently more useful to me.
For a social software tool to work for me, it will have to be both ubiquitous (ie, offer me access to a variety of networks, and allow me to integrate access to my diverse networks) and highly specialized (ie, the offered networks are focused, targeted, and achieve specific goals with a minimum amount of OT noise). On top of that, while it allows me access to a diverse networks via one tool, it will need to allow me to control the overlap between these networks to some extent.
From an uneducated perspective, such as mine, one of the "useful"
elements of social software seems to be its potential to 'map' human /realspace
relationships. And a robust application seeks to do this qualitatively,
as well quantitatively. I put "useful" in quotes, a la Dr. Evil, because there is for me an inherent tension between the danger and the facility of centralizing any personal profile-type information anywhere, but most certainly digitized personal information. I always have an urge to go all Emily Graeber on things like this. LONG LIVE THE OUT-LIERS! (or, 'out-liars', as the case may be).
So, why did i want to get into orkut, anyway, other than the fact that it was
slashdotted
in such a way as to make it seem like an 'exclusive' club
of sorts, requiring vetting by a seed set of membership? Who doesn't
want to be in the IN crowd!?!
It would be interesting to know how the
profiles of the original 12K membership influence the resulting
membership growth. Ted Leung makes an interesting note that there seem to be more bloggers and techish people in his orkut network, so far, than he found on friendster and the like. But I haven't found much information on the constitution of the initial group (please note my aforementioned half-assed research skills).
Maybe, it's still too early to see (at least at this stage in the socio-tech phenomena and orkut application maturity), whether or not the majority of orkut participants will be centered around a geek core (individuals that have some background or expertise in the coding and information tech worlds) with off-shoots of pockets of people like me (stoopit users that geeks find more amusing than annoying enough to invite in). Also it will remain to be seen if insular little cliques within cliques form, altho, i will admit, i think this is the driving curiosity for me.
Still, if it turns into another Friendster free-for-all low-quality network link boost, I will likely ditch it.
*yes, ben, i am inviting you as soon as the toolz back up, assuming of course that you aren't already "in".
I Have Slept Around
I should be working, but instead I will hop on this meme (from Ryan > Christy > Hanna):
Bold the states you've been in (airport or driving through only).
Underline the states you've spent the night in.
Italicize the state you're in.
1) Alabama, 2) Alaska, 3) Arizona, 4) Arkansas, 5) California, 6) Colorado, 7) Connecticut, 8) Delaware, 9) Florida, 10) Georgia,11) Hawaii, 12) Idaho, 13) Illinois, 14) Indiana, 15) Iowa, 16) Kansas, 17) Kentucky, 18) Louisiana, 19) Maine, 20) Maryland, 21) Massachusetts, 22) Michigan, 23) Minnesota, 24) Mississippi, 25) Missouri, 26) Montana, 27) Nebraska, 28) Nevada, 29) New Hampshire, 30) New Jersey, 31) New Mexico, 32) New York, 33) North Carolina, 34) North Dakota, 35) Ohio, 36) Oklahoma, 37) Oregon, 38) Pennsylvania, 39) Rhode Island, 40) South Carolina, 41) South Dakota, 42) Tennessee, 43) Texas, 44) Utah, 45) Vermont, 46) Virginia, 47) Washington, 48) West Virginia, 49) Wisconsin, 50) Wyoming, 51) Washington, D.C
Sleep-Working
Finally, some scientific documentation - I personally have solved several tricky business issues and created entire deliverables while deep in REM sleep, and have long argued that I should be able to bill in that time to the client.
Scandanavian Product Wonders
Being from the trailer park, I have seen my share of cheap box wines. So I was doubtful when the RRPF proclaimed that in Sweden (the wondrous land of fish-in-a-tube), you can also get premium wine in BOXES. Well, behold - three square litres of Lindemans Bin 45 with handy pull-out spout:
Wanted: Slobby, Straight, Live-In Boyfriend
I don't know why i didn't think of this before. But I am just one slobby, straight, live-in boyfriend away from a poshly redecorated east village loft. Any takers?
You'll get new clothes, I'll get new digs.
Although, sadly, a couple weeks after the Fab 5 have worked their magic on "our" apartment, you and I will likely have a falling out that results in your living elsewhere.
WHEEEEAAAAAH!!!
Thought the Ballmer monkeyboy video was slammin? Well then, hold on to your hosses, cuz here's the preview cut of Dr Dean's Caucus Ruckus mp3 Remix created by Jonas.
Update: V2.0 now posted, jam packt with more "wheeeeaaaah!!!"
Reality Based Presidential Elections
Ko is onto something, here I think. This process would satisfy all constituents equally, and ensure a much more active participation in our political process than we've seen to date. The only thing missing from Ko's plan is some sort of elimation round involving eating worms or wrestling in sludge. With that rider, i think itz a damn workable plan.
5th Annual Tromadance
If you happen to be in Park City, Utah tonight at 5pm, you should drop by Brewvies and see Rayya Elias' featurette 'Anonymous', which was selected for the Tromadance Film Festival:
Anonymous (Rayya Elias – 32 min.)And not just because it was written and directed by my cousin-in-law, or because it's an amazing look at a unique point in time in my neighborhood (the 80's!), but because it also has guest cameo appearances by Ricky:
The Lower East Side of New York City as we remember it…grimy, gritty and no French bistros!
If You Only Knew Then...
... what you can't remember now. Er... Something like that. Not like I'd know. Or remember.
Flog My Blog
Call us crazy, but we're gonna let you have your way with us. Follow these simple instructions to create a guest account on this blog and personalize your comments with icons of your choosing.
Step 1. Create an account. Go to the golden key on the blog, enter a Username, Password and select "create account"
Step 2. Manage your account settings. Once you have created the account you will select the users button (I like to call it the 'little people' button, but, hey, that's just me) to reach your account settings.
Step 3. Upload comment images. Select the 'upload new image' option under Admin Tools and browse your computer for gif, jpg, or png files that best express the individuality of your own inner animal. 
Caveat: This is the only place that we are setting a couple rules - use
some sense with respect to pixel sizes. Icons with a width of 100
pixels or less in general work best, as they won't wig out the final display. Anything over 200 pixels is likely gonna get you deleted off of my blog.
When you've uploaded an icon, you will see it in your comment images list, as below:
Step 4. Make a comment and select your comment image. You must be logged into your account to have access to your icons when you make comments. When you go to comment, you will find a pull down window from which you can select your icon. NOTE: the first option in the pull down window is your account name and has no icon associated with it. Also important to note is that the name of your icon file is the name that will appear on the final comment.
If you have performed all the steps properly, the submit button will render your commentary personalized with the image as below:
Stay In Bed Sunday
The snow turned into rain, and then back to snow again. Outside the street is a slushy mess that only dorky duck boots could contend with.
DAMN, life is GOOD.
Note 2 Self Re: Clutter
I know you are not always on top of the clutter around here. And I am not about to require that you change your entire lifestyle. However, I officially designate that there are certain items in the household that you really should put away after use.
Having them sitting right out in the middle of the living room might be hard to explain to the casual visitor.
Loss 4 Word
Evidently, you are SOL if you need another word for synonym.
If Men Can Have Nipples...
I can have balls.
Sunny Welcoming Blog
Don't you despise those ''I would blog today, but I have a life..." blog entries? I mean, they are implicitly saying that you, dear reader, have no life, aren't they? Well, I'm not going to do that because LGP is not that kind of blog. LGP is the warm, sunny, welcoming blog, no matter how big a reject you are.
So, instead, some quick observations made during morning commute:
- Every time it snows, I have this re-occuring revelation about the fact that 'duck shoes' DO INDEED make sense, even tho they are truly dorky.
- You know how when itz lightly raining, and the sun's shining, you can sometimes see a rainbow? The same thing does not appear to happen when itz lightly snowing and the sun's shining. (Please note, this is not based on rigorous scientific examination).
- Even experts do not understand why men have nipples.
My Twisted Fetishes
We'll come clean. In addition to a time fetish, yours truly also has a weather fetish. I have no less than 7 different cities and regions whose weather i monitor daily via my Yahoo! weather page. And the fact that I find myself watching The Weather Channel for more than 15 minutes a time is likely also an indicator. I don't think that normal people do that sort of thing.
But there's just something about seemingly orderly macro-systems that are empirically stochastic and chaotic on the micro level. Hell, it turns me on, what can I say? And then there's the meterology lingo... sexy words and phrases like 'convection', 'jet stream', 'trough'... schwing!
How can you not be fascinated by the fact that yesterday it was a balmy 42 degrees F, and this morning it is -3 degrees F with wind chill? And that tonight we are expecting 3 to 4 inches of SNOW!! Oooooooh!!! Don't EVEN get me started on precipitation.
Phreak Hippie From Austin Alert
On my desktop, IM from Client while I was out getting lunch:
Client: you there?And I imagine that these are the sort of questions the readership of LGP might also have, so: "Live Food" is made with 100% raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds that have not been heated above 116 degrees F. This ensures that all their naturally occuring digestion-and-health-aiding enzymes and vitamins are intact and active.*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from Pwylla: Gone to get live food, brb
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Client: uh. What?!?
Client: OK. NOW, I just have to know a couple things: What the hell is LIVE food, and where the hell in New York City can you get it?
Client: Are you hunting game? Seems like Jersey would be a better place for that.
Client: OR, do you swallow it whole?
Client: That may be the way you do things down in Austin, but not here in NEW YAWK CITY! We are civilized. Lemme know when you're back.
Client: ... and done doing whatever it is that you are doing.
Where in NYC can you get live food, organic food, trusty vegetarian, vegan food and/or wheatgrass shots? Well, in the East Village pretty much any restaurant has reasonable vegetarian options and offerings. But I recommend the following spots:
- Caravan of Dreams: THE SPOT for live foods. They offer a live sampler, too, for those of you who might be timid. Other favs are the Ginger Curry Stirfry (with seitan). Caravan is also certified Kosher.
- The Sanctuary: Most excellent non- and un-meat cuisines, particularly with a Thai spice ensemble flair. No actual 'live' foods, other than the resplendent selection of juices. (FYI, All fresh juices are 'live').
- Kate's Joint: Kate's is a vegetarian diner. They make healthy and un-meat versions of old school greasy spoon favs such as 'Southern Fried Unchicken Cutlets', and 'Unmeatloaf with Garlic Mashies'. No 'live' foods, per se, but ROCKIN vegan deserts. You actually haven't lived until you've tried Kate's Vanilla Bean Cheesecake (even I don't believe itz made of tofu).
- Whole Earth Bakery & Kitchen: Been in the neighborhood since 1978. Serious with the live and vegan foods here, low to no dairy. Innovative deserts. Skimpy on the wheatgrass shots the other day, tho.
- Juicy Lucy's (85 Avenue A, between 5th and 6th) - Lucy's is small, basically a super juice bar and take-out foods Lunch Counter. They do serve some meats (ie, pork - blech), as this is a cuban/rican version of the east village organic foods genre. But itz my fav for their well priced juices and HUMONGO WHEATGRASS shots. Cheapest Wheatgrass in the hood - only $2.25 a shot! VIVA LOISAIDA!!
- Grand Central: In middle of the dining concourse, there's a decent juice bar (name escapes me and they aren't on the roster) that is good for that early morning wheatgrass shot and a decent spinach/beet/carrot/celery ensemble.
- The Pump: More designed for werk-out freaks, but they got the macro-biotics going on, as well as Atkins and, of course, healthy juice mixes and supplements.
Reptilian Regeneration
3 days into my mega-homeopathic system cleansing regimen and I am most certainly molting. My facial skin, in particular, is flaky and some small break-outs are occuring. I have now added a gentle exfoliant to my daily ablutions. By the end of the week I should have all New Skin. Very excited.
Also having odd urges to nap under a heat lamp.
Moderation of Extremes
Last week I had a brush with that fever-flu-thingy: it thankfully never manifested to the hurling stage, but chills and wooziness kept me prone for a day and sapped my energy levels. I slept TWENTY hrs from FridayNite to SaturdayAfternoon. I am feeling much, much better today, but still somewhat weakish. And altho the artic blast NYCz been locked in has abated today, itz coming back tomorrow, so...
You know what this means? Thatz rite - itz time for Dry, Inc's self-patented Extreme Unction Immune System Intervention. Don't try this at home, boys and girls. This is the bleeding edge of applied homeopathy, customized to my body chemistry after years of trial and error. Our approach rests on the understanding that altho we obviously are working at an immune system deficit, we aren't necessarily going to eliminate caffeine and nicotine intake (two of the werst culprits for vita-leeching). So, for one week starting yesterday, yours truly is commited to consuming:
- Daily wheatgrass shots - 4 oz
- 2000 c Vita C daily, in two doses (morning and night)
- B complex mega-vitamins
- Daily 10 ml echinacea/goldenseal w/red hibiscus tea
- No alcohol, and a minimum 1 litre H2O daily (filtered)
- Concentration of "live" foods, low dairy, no meat
- Spirulina doses every other day
Don't! Get! Eliminated!
I don't care what sort of gender confusion may ensue - i don't mind admitting that I find myself watching Spike TV quite a bit, and have developed a serious MXC habit. Ha!! Take that gender-based target-marketing!! Your square peg does not fit into my round hole... er... euw.. i didn't mean that quite how it sounds...
But these shows are so well-written: every line of dubbed dialogue in this show is frikkin brilliant, the timing and the wipe-outs are crunchtastic, and the game challenges themselves are so bizarre... look - even if you don't think that the 'rotating surfboard of death' is
pretty gender-neutral, you are simply shorting yourself if you don't
watch this show at least once.
Exercises in Panic
I have been playing with my Panic button* and although it nearly satisfies my desires for active panic, I have some suggestions for further functionality.
First off, it would be really neat if our Panic gif would appear outside of the blog editor when one has panicked. Then anyone who purposely or accidentally steered to a panicked blog would see:
- "This blog removed by the DoD. Click on the back button of your browser and remain in your domicile until federal agents arrive."
- "Trapped inside editor, please call for help."
- "Yes, it's YOUR fault, (insert name)"
- "This blog hates you. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo."
- "This blog is on strike until 'Hugh and Bot' publishes another Thursday Special."
Sacrifices Needed
Pregnant goats and white chickens preferred.
The Limits of Productivity
Shoot me now if you know whatz good 4U...
I just finished a 6 hr meeting-work session during the last 10 minutes of which I used 'architect' as a VERB and noone blanched. In fact, other people repeated it.
I am truly very, very dangerous.
Craptastic Monday In Full Swing
Slew of sucky things to start off post-holiday Monday:
- Got all the way over to 3rd frikkin avenue in my commute before I realized I'd forgotten my badge for the client site. -2 dollas MTA fare.
- Walked home, got badge, but this time forgot umbrella. Immediate steady drizzle as soon as I am back at the M8 stop. Hair promptly frizzes out, white girl chem-fro stylee.
- Mid-commute call from partner I am working for, needing important information RIGHT NOW, which I can't produce b/c I am still on a bus at 10am. It doesn't matter if I worked my ass off over the holidays, and/or that I've been up and working since 6 am from home, I still sound and look like a complete slacker. Unimpressed even myself.
- Arrive at client site too late for cheap breakfast, as cafeteria is now closed until lunch.
- I now need a whiteboard something serious, but every team workroom on this client site is full of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed employees who seem much much happier and rested than I. And few of them are using their damn whiteboards.
BEN! I WANT A FAVICON
Ben, I want a favicon. I have already built the thing. But our blog editor doesn't like the ".ico" files for upload. Would this be a horrendous update to the site/server or not?
If so, fuggitaboutit. I will just sit here, green with envy over all those other blogs so personalized in bookmarks and on Localfeeds and other RSS reader thingies.
If not, HOOK ME UP!!!
UPDATE: How COOL is bloghorn.com?!? Less than 20 minutes after I kvetch about wanting something, it magically appears!!!
Check my Favicon - 
Things 2 Do In Spare Time
In my spare time, when I am bored:
- Cure cancer, Hep C, AIDS, Herpes and the common cold
- Make the world safe for democracy*
- Clean out fridge
- Develop uncrackable encryption methods
- Write the great american novel
- Learn Swedish in 1000 difficult lessons
- Spray paint tag a NYC subway car
- Solve pi and eat it
- Invent words
- Do that thing with a partner, the rope, latex gloves and whip cream
- Stop the world and get off
*does not necessarily imply that democracy will flourish, only that the world will be safe for it, which if you ask certain countries currently liberated and set upon democratic paths, it certainly is NOT yet safe.
My Brain
Handy test to find out which side of you is running things. Apparently, the right lobe of my brain has nearly complete control of my reality. I suspected as much, but it was, you know, an intuited feeling, more than fact.