2K4 Resolutions, Initial Draft
For the Me/Myself/I committee to review and revise over upcoming meetings.
- Be optimistic about the future. We realize this may involve reframing Reality. Taking things with a grain of salt. And not letting the overly large braine take center stage when itz scared. Thus, it will also involve a minor suspension of our naturally risk averse inclinations. At all times, our standard mantra shall be "Fuck it. We only live once."
- Know what we want. Itz time to quit being so reactive and accomodating. If others had a clue, such an accomodation would make sense. But, let's face it. They don't. Take control this year, on our side of the equation. **Do not confuse this in any way with knowing what anyone else wants.**
- Be authentic. Yes, this will seem to be the most difficult. Preliminary resolution #2 is required. Additional implicit preliminary step is not to worry about being misunderstood. Fact is, I will be, no matter what. Because, well, I am actually not all that easy to understand. Who is? Exactly. If anyone is easy to understand, they are not being authentic. Get it?
- Add value to the world. On personal and general levels. Operationally, this means: Listen actively. Smile honestly. Commiserate, but don't rescue. Advise, when asked. Find the dark corners, and seek to illuminate.
- Throw out clutter. Both real and imagined. Refer to mantra.
Why We Blog...
About a week ago we took it upon ourself to answer, once and for all, the ponderous "Why Blog!?!" question. Our statistically rigorous poll is complete now, and itz guaranteed more accurate than a US census.. (yes, we kno the scripts were fckd, and if you didn't get to vote, c'est la vie, blame pollhost). Following are the answers - and our Diebold security officers have verified this as accurate -
Because Itz Cuddly, Dammit
Well, as long as i am revealing embarassing things... I might as well add (at least by way of comparison to my ultimate impurity) that i was recently given a gift of a really nice stuffed teddy bear. I have never been one for stuffed animals or dolls and such - i grew up with a slew of boys and was actually rather tomboyish. But lately I have found myself hugging this teddy bear while i sleep, and as embarassing as that may be i am not ashamed to admit it. Ok, i was ashamed, actually, the first couple of times i woke up clutching this bear.
But, I am over it now, because, well, it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
I Actually Am Not Sure I Want 2 Post This...
... but let s/he who is w/o sin cast the first stone. This 'Ultimate Purity Test' is focused primarily on 'sexual purity'. No ontological questions about how many times I have been in downtown Newark (which automatically brings regular purity scores down at least 10%, i hazard). I am somewhat alarmed at my low scores, but I am rationalizing that 'average' purity rankings are an artifact produced by the fact that the majority of other people taking this test must be pre-pubescent shut-ins who have had zero intimate experiences. I mean, jeeez, i can't be this impure.
My 'straightness' purity is extremely low. Practically nil, actually. And here i thought i was 'the girl next door'. Ouch. Time to join SAA? Nah - letz just say that maybe i have had one or two adventurous partners in my life... or three. Or five. Whatever. Itz just a stoopit internet test, dammit.
| Your Ultimate Purity Score Is... | ||
| Category | Your Score | Average |
| Self-Lovin' | 48.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself | 65% |
| Shamelessness | 57.1% It takes a couple of drinks | 79.3% |
| Sex Drive | 36.8% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'! | 77.7% |
| Straightness | 3.6% Knows the other body type like a map | 45% |
| Gayness | 42.9% At least one weekend of ecstacy | 83.3% |
| Fucking Sick | 78.8% Refreshingly normal | 89.9% |
| You are 47.57% pure Average Score: 72.6% | ||
Bad Cookie
My misfortune fortune cookie for tonite: "You foolishly believe in the goodness of mankind". Tell me something i don't know, cookie... What's yours?
TV Controls My Mind: An Ongoing Series
Last night I dreamed I owned a diamond-studded bling-bling that said "eBay".
The War On Terrorism: A Toy Story
If punk toys with terrorist ties got out of hand in Lego's World City, I wonder if they'd ever ask for the help of Playmobil peacekeepers.
It seems to me that although the World City crew arguably has the most high-tech gear (check out the surveillance van, for instance), the Playmobil posse looks more like it has real crowd control experience. They also seem a little sturdier.
Not to mention the fact that the Playmobil set boasts inclusion of a ream of cultures, whereas the Legolians (Legolites? Legoloids?) seem somewhat homogeneous and more focused on ... yep... the gear.
Please forgive me if I can't help seeing this as a meta-commentary on larger issues.
Minutes From Meeting With Self
I had a meeting with myself this morning, finally. This is supposed to be a daily meeting but in the last few months it's been difficult to schedule, as the required attendees have not been available due to overwork and/or distraction (and likely some small aspects of internal resistance). Thus many decisions and action items have long been outstanding, and we couldn't get to all of them. Still, we will take what we can get. Following is the official meeting record:
- General Housekeeping - dishes were finally washed at one point, but there is apparently not an overall process in place to ensure dish maintenance and housekeeping is continued. Long term goals for housekeeping involve third parties or vendors. This is not in budget for this quarter. Tabled for further analysis.
- Regarding The 12 Books I Am Reading - as this was intended to be a substantive yet leisurely activity, accountability and enforcement is not recommended. Root cause analysis of the growing number of books and papers in the reading pipeline leads the committee to demand that no further reading materials be bought, borrowed or acquired until at least 50% of current WIP is complete.
- Regarding Finances - current stop-gap measures to curtail purchases and requisitions must remain in place. No travel will be approved in the foreseeable future. Still it has been brought to our attention that current operating expenses outpace our income. Motion made and carried to run a Personal Deficit, possibly into the second quarter. In addition, generation and maintenance of the two Almighty Lists ("Who We Pay This Month" and "Who We Don't Pay This Month") is assigned to myself.
- Regarding Morale - this is a complex issue, and data gathering will continue. Interim analysis of results does allow the committee to conclude the following:
- Indiscriminate media consumption worsens the situation. Going forward, news sources are to be limited to The Daily Show, Reuters and C-SPAN. This strategy should enable us to ensure we are making up our own mind.
- Alcohol consumption technically worsens the situation over time but temporarily alleviates that nasty amorphous anxiety. These moments of numbness are welcome and arguably necessary. Also, as the current Deficit places us at the mercy of free alcohol provided by friends there is little concern that this will actually become an issue in the long run.
- Isolating is also not the answer. Firstly, we need to be vigilant in curbing our tendency to avoid friends and gatherings. Secondly, we should also make the effort to actually call those people we love and think about everyday.
I Want YOU
If you are familiar with late 90's graphic novels, you will recognize that the cover of this week's Village Voice is an instant classic. It features Alex Ross' Uncle Sam in a not-so-conventional pose.
Asked to do a cover painting for this issue of the Voice—a riff on the finger-flipping patriot deemed too provocative for the hardcover edition of Uncle Sam—the chronically overscheduled Ross hesitates, then chuckles. "If you'd asked for anything else, I'd have had to say no. But I've wanted to get that one out there for a long time."This one, however, is still one of my favorites.
What's It All About, Anyway?
You will read it repeatedly throughout the blogosphere - at many of several points bloggers, blog-readers and social critics all stop to ponder... "WHY blog?!?"
In an attempt to answer this ponderous existential question once and for all, Dry, Inc has collated the many various answers offered up by the blogosphere and created the following poll. Let's dispose of this overwhelming question once and for all!*
Random Collection of Notes 2 Self
Compiled in part from pile of Post-Itstm, memory and real-time experience:
- Laundry, Dry Cleaning (including Duvet).
- (Client X) high level workplan - estimate milestone dates wrt holidays.
- Ziti gets much bigger than you think it will when fully boiled. It MAY LOOK LIKE it fits in that pot when you start, but it doesn't by the time you finish. Use that other pot.
- This pretty much applies to all pasta.
- *sigh* Houseboy never made mistakes like that.
- (Client Y) meet tonite at the Porch.
- Charge cell phone.
- Remember to take charger next time you go out, even if you swear to yourself that you 'will sleep in your own bed tonite'.
- Dishes. Seriously. They won't do themselves, dammit - you've waited and they still have not taken that level of initiative.
- Picked a bad week to throw down the gontlet. I am in a waning state, I think.
- Must talk with The Christy regarding difference in awards and metrics for Limerent Psychopaths vs. Limerent Narcissists.
- "...since sliced bread," i tell you.
Virtual Glass Cieling
I guess they should consider sexual harassment suits while they are at it.
Bloghorn Props
In addition to being an inexpensive, reliable, fast, and easy to use service, Bloghorn.com simply rox because of the amazing support. I don't know of another bloghosting service that responds so quickly and effectively to personal requests. And I should know, because I am a blog-ho with several blogs on several other services.
See, only Bloghorn has Uberdevelopers who promptly fulfill my vanity requests (such as "Please add a space for URLs in the comment entry template of my skin just because I want to be like The Christy") while simultaneously conducting sitewide upgrades and fulfilling countless real requests for technical help.
In short - Bloghorn is faster and more effective than a chainsaw in an abattoir... although decidedly less messy.
No! Not the TIME FETISH Again!
Yes, childrens, I can't help it. I can't stop mulling about this stuff. But I am not the only one - Abyssal Mind has a great entry and link to a Lynds .pdf about the subjective perception of time.
Why is this so important to me? Because I have long awaited a re-convergence of Physics and Metaphysics, which have been fractured from each other ever since empirical science took the upper hand (sometime after the Rennaisance). See - questions about the nature, function and experience of 'Time' are, in their very essence, actually questions about Being (with a capital 'B').
Someday all these big heads are gonna finally get together and pronounce what i already intuitively feel - Reality (with a capital 'R') is what we make it to be.
Friday 5z
I am a Friday Five virgin. But I saw today's on Kat's blog and this round seems gentle enuf for a first timer. Plus I like to think I am good with adjectives. Facile, adept, accomplished, and dexterous, even.
1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.
Cluttered.
2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.
My. Self. (yeah i know 'self' isn't an adjective... but take your pick from the superfluous adjectives in my intro. Hell, take 'superfluous', actually - itz appropriate)
3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.
Probing. Stimulating. Penetrating. (get your minds out of the gutter: I am talking about reading treatises on critical theory and discourse)
4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.
Long. Varied. Scheduled. Self-determined.
5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.
Diverse. Comfortable. Enrich(ed)ing.* Meaningful. Free.
*(thatz a 2fer1 adjective there!)
They Grow Up SO Fast...
It seems like only yesterday that PATRIOT was just another innocuous bill on capitol hill. But, Schoolhouse Rock
never elucidated what happens past the point at which a Bill
gets signed, leaving fans with many burning questions - particularly in
the case of PATRIOT. What happens after enactment? How is this
controversial legislation faring? Is there a sophomore slump or greater things to come?
Investigative journalist, Dong Resin comes to the to the rescue with this extraordinary in-depth, no-holds-barred interview with the PATRIOT Act, itself, on its 2nd birthday. No wimpy PR managers or staff quotes, here, folks - this is the real thing, straight from the source. 
(via FOTR)
Lorenze Ellipsoids
Apologies to our regular readership and appreciation for enduring Our Editor's ongoing Time Fetish. Installment #11023, IM with the Guru:
Pwylla: New physics discovery!?! Revising Xeno?!? Tell me oh physics 0racl3!
JMGuru: hmm, yes … i've read about this fellow and his 'theories'
Pwylla: heheh. you, debunker.
JMGuru: NO NO - not debunking!
JMGuru: physics is salty topic at best
Pwylla: hmmmm … physics… salty… yum. :)
Pwylla: well, for me, itz all about Xeno. Glad somebody finally took that bastard down. (or may be taking him down)
JMGuru: Lynds was sort of unliked by the physics big wigs - he was gonna steal their light
Pwylla: those old goats … tenured codgers
JMGuru: yep, its all about recognition in research
JMGuru: shit, that's all you get
JMGuru: there's benzes, caviar, champagne n bitches up in physics research!
JMGuru: no -
JMGuru: just benzenes, diet coke, quake, and xfiles…
Pwylla: yeah itz like perpetual grad school.
Pwylla: hmmmm btw 'physics' props sound eeeeerily similar to programmer props
Pwylla: so is lynds getting some peer acceptance yet or is he still newbie?
JMGuru: he's finally getting it… thats because most in physics research don't know a lorenz ellispsoid from their own buttholes...
Pwylla: Hey! I think I may have a lorenz ellipsoid ON my butthole.
JMGuru: You should get a butt doctor to look at that.
JMGuru: Dammit, Jim, I'm a PHYSICIST not a butt doctor.
Sun Kil Moon
I blogged about this earlier, obtusively. But here's the context: Last week, the Shellster handed me this CD and said: "This is something that I hope you will listen to. And maybe on the first hearing, you'll say 'wow, this is really nice', but then over time you will realize that it's one of the most fukkin fantastic albums you own."
Well, itz only been a week, and her words have already come true. I have found myself playing this pretty much at any opportunity. And I don't know how to explain it - it's everything you would expect from something titled "Ghosts of the Great Highway" - nostalgic, yearning, sweet - sad, and meaningful in personal ways even I can't explain.
Mark Kozelek - to those of you in the know (of which I actually was not, until recently, one) - is formerly of the Red House Painters and has constituted a new band Sun Kil Moon. From the many sites on the web and such I can see that Kozelek has a cult following you DON'T want to mess with - and I wouldn't even dare. In fact I am hoping they can help me with the lyrics to this song (mp3). How can you NOT feel resonance for this? (what i can make out of it):
I can't count toC'mon Kozelekians (or anyone, really, with better hearing than me) - WHAT IS he singing in the rest of the song?!?
All the lovers i've burned through,
So why do i still burn for you?
I cannot say...
Sorry
That i could never love you back
I could never care enough
in these last days...
'Carry Me Ohio'
Daily Mysteries
New York - what makes this happen? WTF is it? Gas?!?
California - ACK. And clam chowder, no less...
Known But To God
These anonymous sacrifices - and that we pay homage at all - this is what gives me hope for our civilization.
Post Eclipse Revelations
In bullet format, but no particular order:
- My life is going nowhere, but in comparison to David Brent's, i am a frikkin four star success.
- This show, when i can catch it practically makes me wet my pants, even when i am not stoned or drunk.
- It's good to have temporary roommate, especially when they have certain tastes and like to share.
- And also b/c they give you comp items that really rock.
- I finally saw this, and almost cried at the kiss. How pathetic is that?
- Of course, I am having PMS again.
- I cried at frikkin folger's commercials today, for G*dz sake.
- But I am glad that I had nothing whatsoever to do with the ratings face-off tonight between Jessica Lynch and Elizabeth Smart.
- Although I do fear that the TV is controlling my life.
- And that really sux b/c itz a paltry Panasonic 27 inch.
- If it was a plasma screen.
- Well, then it would be understandable.
- I wish I had been able to sign Christy's cast.
- I woulda written: "We are ALL PWW*, in our own way."
Productivity Report
I got a ton of stuff done today. It wasn't an inhuman amount of work, and it wasn't intensely complex work either. But this is a significant accomplishment when you consider that:
- I channeled the spirit of Dylan Thomas last nite
- I only got five hours of fitful sleep
- Whiskey + wine + port can be is a pretty wikkid hangover
- My left and right eyeballs seemed to be working independently of each other for the first two hours of the day
- The majority of my work consisted of email and phone calls, and only a small amount of project planning
- I was able to stay in my pajamas all day (or more importantly - didn't have to wear a bra), on the chaise lounge
- I drank two liters of water, took three Ibuprofin and half a percoset
- I ate pretty much every carbohydrate in this house
Itz Not 18 Whiskeyz, But Itz Close...
This is what i read after 5 whiskeys and being signed up on the list to read (unbeknownst to me) by the Shellster -
Dylan Thomas: In My Craft or Sullen Art
In my craft or sullen art
Exercised in the still night
When only the moon rages
And the lovers lie abed
With all their griefs in their arms,
I labour by singing light
Not for ambition or bread
Or the strut and trade of charms
On the ivory stages
But for the common wages
Of their most secret heart.
Not for the proud man apart
From the raging moon I write
On these spindrift pages
Nor for the towering dead
With their nightingales and psalms
But for the lovers, their arms
Round the griefs of the ages,
Who pay no praise or wages
Nor heed my craft or art.
------
Regarding signing me up to read w/o my approval:
"I recognize that it was a shitty thing to do - but i sensed somehow that you'd be glad you did it" (c. Shellster, 2K3)... Right, she was.
Notes On My Self-Indulgent Lifestyle
Was in Grand Central terminal today for a business meeting and although I tried to control myself, i was dragged inexorably to the Grand Central Market, which plys gourmet culinary materials. I came away with a half pound of Italian Roast espresso so unguent it wafted all around me on the subway ride home. Which is good because it also then covered up the wafting of this delicacy, which, although thrice wrapped and buried below the coffee, is seriously odiferous. It smells straight up like pootie, actually - as any self-respecting raw milk cheese should.
Now i kno that REAL fromage connoisseurs will argue that one can't get a decent Epoisses de Bourgogn in America due to archaic FDA rules. But I have high hopes for this little guy, even if hez over 60 days old - I had the cheeseman pull one that shipped to them just yesterday so it is hopefully just a teeeensy bit older than 60 days and no more.
Regardless, i am sure it will go MOST nicely with the award winning 1998 South African Port i bought as well. Now, don't get me wrong - i am no food or wine snob. I have, rather, an accidental palate. I happened across my first epoisses when on a romp thru the LI North Fork wineries with Queenie and Phlip, and my affection for it was instant despite itz stinkiness. But trust me - itz something that i am learning here - life really IS better with the good food and wine ... and the stinky cheeses.
My Guru's Back & You're Gonna Be In Trouble...
Well, he wasn't ever actually gone, but between him ignoring his domains when they're inaccessible to the outside world and my sloppy html, the link hasn't worked for sometime. Hez been busy, tho, never fear - and he's been working for you, he's been taking the big hits:
My Shared RIAAClick on it now, quickly, before it disappears again.
All i downloaded today were 120 Usher songs, 201 madonna songs, and 56 shitty metallica songs. i hate them all, but i do it for love.
Rage! Rage! Against the Dying of the Light!
I don't know what I am doing in the next thirty minutes, but I DO know what I am doing this thursday night at 10 pm. And that will be dropping libations in honor of the departed (on this near anniversary of his passing) at the Bowery Poetry Club's First Annual Dylan Thomas Drunken Poetry Slam.
Executive Job Search
The outplacement firm that came as part of my severance package branded themselves as a "career coaching" service. They preached a combination of self-exploration and external networking, saying you should at all moments consider your current employment and critically appraise whether it is aligned with your goals in life or lifestyle.
That in mind i have set my sights on Andy Rooney's job - America's Curmudgeon. Sure i am not a former war correspondent, and have zero relevant journalistic experience, but do i think i could perform his current role in a uniquely pissy style. And furthermore i will appeal to a new market segment. It's time the thirty-something crowd got representation in the curmudgeon media niche.
After all - let's face it, Rooney's old and I am sure he wants to retire. The man's curmudgeonliness has taken on a less humorous flavor in the last couple years. Hez less often pissy-funny, now hez getting just plain-pissy. He's no Carol O'Connor. I miss Carol O'Connor who had the courtesy to transform into a more lovable pissiness in his later years. Hell - who knows, maybe therez room for both me and Rooney. He just better stay out of my way.
Things to do today:
- Prep for team mtg
- 3 slides; vision, tool/process inventory, server dep plan
- List defined objectives for enterprise PM: objectives > people >tools
- 1 pager process/people/tool diagram, flow chart stylee
- Est resources and staff
- server dep team, pm teams
- Write more on NaGonnaWriNoMo (my own version of NaNoWriMo)
- Research: TechRep, CM, etcetera
- Catch 8pm to PABT
It Happens To Everyone ...
Bush thinks premature evacuation is wrong.
Eeeuw -
Can't Wash Off The Cultural Residue: I am actually quite relieved that I only scored a 69.5 on this 80's pop lyrics quiz. And that was even with the Shellster's assistance (and she's a music industry professional)... WHAT?!? there were lyrics in 80's pop songs?
